verifiedaccount:

that’s a modern seinfeld

george is tired of being awoken by amber alerts and turns them off on his phone. jerry tells him he won’t sleep any better because putting up with amber alerts makes everyone feel like they’re at least trying to help. they ask kramer and he says you can’t take off the amber alert and in fact he’s added all kinds of new alerts with various names and colors so alarms are going off on his phone all the time. elaine thinks she sees a car that matches the description and starts following him but when she publicly accuses him it turns out she mistook a 1 for an I on his license plate and he’s just a dad out with his kid. she tries to turn it around by saying she’s into single fathers. george sleeps soundly but while out on a date an amber alert goes off on everyone’s phone but his and his date storms out and everyone in the restaurant turns on him. 

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fit-margs:

Red delicious apples being named ‘delicious’ is one of the biggest deceptions of the human race.

Omg I hit the reblog button so fast

i feel this on a spiritual level.

They were, at one time, delicious, but some fuck-up, let’s call him George, came along.

George decided the red delicious apples weren’t “red” enough, so he started to breed them so they became more red; however, as he did that, the delicious flavor was also bred out, but everyone thought they were better because they had a more consistent color.

They used to be delicious but not red, and now they are red but not delicious.

🤔🤔
I had a feeling they used to taste a lot better than they do now. Stupid humans screwing with everything

Why is my name always used for bad shit 😦

But seriously, just eat Red Gala apples

or Pink Ladies

Ew. Eat honeycrisps. Love yourselves.

Fuck that Granny Smiths are where it’s at.

Granny Smiths are a crock of shit

YOU COME IN TO MY HOUSE AND YOU INSULT PIEMAKING APPLES. WITHOUT GRANNY SMITH YOU WOULD HAVE NOTHING HOW DARE

fuji apples tho

Granny Smiths are good for pies and nothing else.

I like the classic macintosh to eat, but if I can get winecrisp I am golden (delicious)

PINK LADY OWNS MY ASS

You haven’t had apples till you’ve had ambrosia apples

All of y’all can eat my ass. Granny Smiths are the best and have the perfect amount of tang. Macintosh aren’t as good a substitute.

BRAEBURN OR NOTHING

Royal Gala or go home

HONESTLY IF YOURE HATIN ON GRANNY SMITHS YOU CAN UNFOLLOW ME RIGHT NOW IMMEDIATELY

One time I ate a Pink Lady at peak apple season and I almost cried

like excuse me but fuji???? is the best???????? you all can go dunk your heads

Granny Smiths FOREVAH. I’ll fight about this.

drama in the apple fandom again. 

typical.

Mutsu!

If you can’t handle me at my 

you don’t deserve me at my